Friday evening I went to an event at church with some of the ladies from my life group. The event topic was Friendships. I've been thinking about friendship for a while, but my mind has been in overdrive about it since Friday.
I've always had a healthy friendship life. When I was 14, I met three wonderful girls who became my best friends. I broke ties with two of them right after my wedding. And, then one of them reached out, apologized and asked if we could try to repair the damage. I agreed, and we are getting closer by the weeks.
It was painful to go through that friendship break-up because I truly loved them, trusted them, and considered them my sisters. Without really realizing it until Friday, I have been reluctant to embrace or nurture new friendships since all of that happened. That's not even like me. I love people and I love creating new relationships. I had been yearning for more closeness and friendship with people in my area (my best friend lives in another state), but I didn't realize I was subconsciously refusing to participate.
I'm now trying to figure out how to overcome the fear of being betrayed again. I don't really know how to be "kinda" friends. I'm usually in or out. So, I don't want to go in and get hurt. I know, though, that just like when I was dating, I have to keep giving it a shot. No risk, no reward.
So, since Friday I have joined a new meetup group, and I actually plan to attend an event. I plan to reach out to people here, who I haven't given much time to, but should have because I actually like them.
I'm going to try and remain cognizant of pushing people away, or not giving to a potential relationship what I want to get out.