There has been a lot of change in my life over the past year. I don’t think I really realized how much until someone pointed it out to me. I guess I had just been rolling with the punches and or crossing things off of our plan list.
Back in December I saw the recruitment announcement for my current position. I think I applied on Christmas day or the day after. It was only a few days after the announcement went public; I was an eager beaver for sure. When I applied something told me it was MY position to have. Fast forward to March and I had gone through all interviews and was offered the position that I’d searching for over a couple of years now. I started on April 8th while in the middle of IVF treatments.
I believed in my heart that the Lord was about to bless us with a pregnancy, and to me, it was more blessing on top of my then 8 month marriage, new professional position, and wonderful relationship with my teenager. To stand back and look, I know all of those things required much of my attention, love and nurturing. I’ve never been one to shy away from having a full plate, which is why I probably don’t notice lots of change until I’m in the midst of it, or until I’ve gotten through all of it and things have leveled out again.
I remember one day I was complaining about my commute to my sister and she reminded me how blessed my family is. She also said something she always says…she loves telling me that I think that I can rock my 5 inch heels, take over the world, raise a child, and now nurture a marriage and raise little babies while still taking over the world and raising a teen. Then she tells me to keep thinking it because I’m doing it and I do it well, so stop complaining.
I always laugh at what she says, but that day as she was saying her statement, I started to feel overwhelmed. That’s not a feeling I’m very familiar with. When I was younger and less stable, I had that feeling from time to time, but not in my recent memory. Not unless it’s being overwhelmed with joy. That overwhelming feeling turned to a bit of nervousness. I thought to myself for a brief moment, “What are you doing?” And, “Are you doing any of it well?”
I started evaluating myself right then. And, I’ve been evaluating myself ever since. Trying to figure out my weak areas and how I can return them strengths. I’m failing on some level in all of my categories: Wife, mother, and professional. I’m not failing where anyone else is terribly impacted…not yet, but I know that I’m not giving my best. I track my performance decline in all of these areas to pregnancy tiredness and commuting. It sounds lame, but it’s true. Those two things take much of my energy and leave me wanting to sit, or preferably, lay down somewhere.
These recent life changes have been great – Marriage, pregnancy, new home, new position, new life perspective…all of it. They are framing what I know to be an even better future for my family. While I’m navigating how to handle all of this change at once, I know I’m learning some great things on this journey.
I look forward to the change of being home and dedicating myself solidly to my home life. I thank God for all of these changes and I pray that I always remain conscious of what’s going on in my life, so I can see the benefit and always remain grateful!
Change is great if we approach it correctly. Yes, it’s challenging, sometimes uncomfortable, but there is growth in change. New life is in Change…Change is good!