I'm thankful for my teenager, Alyssa. She didn't come at a planned time, but she has been a blessing everyday since the day I saw that cute little face and those ten tiny toes and fingers! She has taught me patience and gave me my first experience with unconditional love. Some days I want to strangle her, but most days I just want to cuddle her, kiss her, and hear her talk about stupid boy bands.
In other Alyssa news. I think some truth as to why she may be having these attitudes came out last night. We were discussing how soon the babies will be here and she couldn't believe that there are only 6 weeks left. Once the date registered in her head again, she said, "Oh yeah...December 17th." Her face looked a bit sad. I asked what was wrong and she said that due to the babies being born on that date I wasn't going to be able to keep up our Christmas tradition this year. I immediately told her that I most definitely would be keeping the tradition. Then I remembered that I can't drive for a few weeks after delivery due to the c-section. Our tradition since she was a baby has been to ride around on Christmas Eve and look at the lights. We haven't missed a single year, and the thought of it made her sad and a little upset.
I told her that her grandma could come with us and drive. I asked if she wanted to bring the babies along so they could get in on the tradition and she gave me a look like, "NO!" I told her not to worry, this would remain "our" thing for just the two of us and the babies would stay home with dad.
During the conversation she was laughing at times trying to make believe she wasn't as bothered by the thought of breaking tradition or incorporating her new siblings into the mix. I know my child and I knew right then a part of her feels like she is losing me. It broke my heart. I soon went upstairs for bed and started to feel overwhelmed. I have to make sure she always knows that she will remain important to me and that I am not replacing her.
She has been through alot of change in a short period of time. A new stepdad, a new house, and now new siblings. I have to really step it up and protect her feelings.
Babies require alot of time and attention, but I'm already thinking of ways to make sure I continue to Alyssa all she needs from me and even more. I hope being a SAHM helps me with this.