Growing, Learning, and Enjoying Every Part Of It.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Unintended Griping

I think I’ve found an apartment that will allow us to keep the house, live in it on the weekends, and stay in my work city 4 nights a week.  I haven’t actually seen the apartment yet, but I’m going to drive by and check it out today. I told Mr. RFA of the monthly price and the fact that we could get it for a month to month, and he said, Yes!  

But, the more I think about living in two places and the double bills and double resources, the more I want to slap myself not thinking things all the way through. 
I can honestly admit that I made a decision based on unhappiness, sure I considered the facts of my commute, but I was overwhelmingly looking to abate the unhappiness of my previous employment. 

I think I looked at number of miles more than I looked at traffic and time it would take to travel those miles. My travel time to work has always been reasonable. Now I have to wonder why I waited to be 30 plus before deciding not to take travel into consideration.
The schedule I imposed is making things better, but still the quality of family time is suffering. 

I think about what will happen if we don’t get a place in my work city…am I really going to want to drive 1.5 hours with an 8 month sized pregnant belly? Um, probably not.   Let me take that back, absolutely not.

Now for the part that I am even more embarrassed to discuss. I have concerns and complaints about my current workplace already. The culture is so toxic that it makes me sad. People don’t trust their colleagues, and there is backstabbing and rumors going on at every turn. Oh, the stories I wish I could tell from my first few weeks.  I do think I was able to help mend one broken relationship that was negatively impacting a particular division.  The even more unfortunate part is that some of this stems from the top of the organization. I’m used to rumors and other foolery (some level of that is in every workplace), but I’m not used to seeing it at the top.

The other part is that before my last place of employment, I never had issues of not liking going into work (except for my stint working at walmart in college – I would get a headache every time I walked through the door and it didn’t subside until I was in my car to leave.  That was the first and only time I had physical reactions to stress.).  When I first started experiencing it at the past place, it hurt me before it angered me. I was so naïve as to think I should always love my places of employment if I loved my career. Not so. 

Earlier I mentioned the word embarrassed. I’m embarrassed to talk about it because it makes me feel like maybe I didn’t make the best decision in taking the position.  I feel like I did, but then I question it.  I’m definitely glad I decided to leave my previous employment, but I’m wondering if I moved on in the right direction.  At any rate, I’m here for a reason, and I’m going to stay positive and try to bring others to the positive side with me.

As I reread this, I realize it sounds like a griping post, but really I’m not trying to gripe.  I’m just trying to document the current issues I’m thinking about to see just how I can find the good parts and turn this thing around.


Anonymous said...

I don't know if you feel like you made a mistake or not. But there are times when we do make mistakes and I guess as adults we hate to admit it b/c we think we should know better. I beat myself up something fierce when I realized I made a bad choice/decision. But it makes no sense to keep revisiting what we should have done differently b/c we are already here and there's no "do overs." I do think you are going to need to find a solution b/c no way you can keep traveling long distances daily the further you get along in the pregnancy. Not to mention when you have the baby and you go back to work after maternity leave, you will not want to miss out on time with your kid. A lot of commuting = missed time with the baby. Can you start looking for another position in your current city now?


AMES said...

Commutes are rough on everyone, When I got married, my husband had a commute longer than an hour in the evenings .Without traffic the drive was 30 minutes. Moving closer to his job was a relief and life improvement.

If you stop feeling guilty about the situation you may start to adjust. You have had enough career movement and progression to know jobs can be changed. I understand how hard it is. When i have trial I sometimes leave sleeping kids and return home to sleepy kids. I remind myself it is temporary, I enjoy my work and before I know it, I am done.