I did something some ugly yesterday that it is still weighing on me.
There is an employee that works for my company. I used to supervise her, but after two years of headaches , I carefully found a way to have her reorganized from under my purview.
This person and I have a mutual dislike for each other. However, I continue to be polite, I speak to her every morning even though she rarely, if ever (in grunt form only), responds.
She has been out of the office for over a month with medical mobility issues. She also lives in the neighborhood across the thoroughfare from mine. And, she has no family here.
I haven’t once called her and asked if she needed anything despite the proximity of our homes.
Yesterday I had to take my daughter to CVS to pick up some writeable CD’s. As I pulled into the parking lot I saw a car that looked like the woman’s, and she immediately fell on my mind. As I was pulling around to find a parking space I saw right into the CVS and she was standing there: one crutch under her arm, the other in the cart, looking fragile.
My first thought was that I had to get out and offer to do her shopping for her so she could sit down, but then a wave of “but, I don’t want to” came over me and it won.
I sent my daughter into the store alone just so I could avoid having to make contact with the woman and offer my assistance.
It bothered me all night and it has carried over into today. I was so ashamed of myself I didn’t even want to tell my husband. I finally told him this morning and he agreed that it was wrong, but he tried to make me feel better about it and told me that we all let ugliness win sometimes, but to try to do better moving forward.
As much as I don’t care for that woman, I still can’t believe I didn’t offer to help her while she was clearly in need of help.
This just further shows me that I have a long way to go. No matter how ugly I think that woman has been to me, I am worse because ignored my first thought (Which could have only been God) and chose to be ugly on purpose.
I can’t let ugliness win again…ever.
~ Blissfully Yours