Growing, Learning, and Enjoying Every Part Of It.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Selfish

Since being engaged a lot has happened in my life. Much more than simply being dizzy with love.  I’ve learned so much about people and myself.  I’ve learned that the patience I’ve been praying for God to give me all those years is actually here. I have an impressive level of patience compared to my younger self.

The most disheartening thing I’ve learned is that people, even those who love you lots, are simply and purely selfish.  People easily say that weddings are about the bride and groom, but rarely have I seen anyone’s actions reflect that sentiment.  From our mothers to our best friends, they have all at some point in this process made it about them.

My future MIL prides herself on being a wedding coordinator of sorts since she’s done so many for people at her church.  When I first told her my original colors (since changed) she told me that they were Fall colors and shouldn’t be used in the summer.  I, very politely, told her that I like the colors and wasn’t concerned about the season so much as what I like.  Let’s just say my rejection of her suggestion led to a whole thing that left me feeling sad, mad, and ready to scream.  All is well now, thankfully.

Next, my very own mother feels like every suggestion she gives me should be taken and if not it must mean that I am rejecting her as a mother. Can we say drama queen?  The worst of it, though is that she begged me to go dress shopping before I was ready, and I agreed.  It turned out that on that first trip I found MY dress.  She convinced me that we should go to at least one other place before I make the purchase.  I agreed.  We went to a second place the next week and I saw another dress that I thought could be the one.  I was torn, so we ran back to the original store to try on the one I first loved.  When I put it back on, I just knew it was MY dress.  She was upset and told me that I needed to get the other one because she liked it better. Fast Forward several weeks and the dress arrives for my first fitting. She asks to come along, and I agree.  I put on the dress and go stand on the pedestal to check out the fit for any needed alterations.  That’s when she felt it appropriate to tell me that she really liked the other dress better.  Yep, right there as I was smiling and enamored with my dress, she was ready and willing to burst my bubble with her own preference.

My best friends (I have 3) have been at it since the engagement. One friend knew the engagement was going to happen because my fiancé wanted to see if she’d like to be there for the surprise (I’ll have to give you the engagement story one day).  She decided to tell one of the others, but not both. Then immediately after the engagement, when the ring was on my finger and I had a minute to breath, I did what any 2012 31 year old would do – I posted the announcement and picture to facebook.  Best friend that knew felt the need to leave comments letting everyone know that she knew something they didn’t know.  This pissed off best friend that didn’t know. They’ve been in an ugly place ever since.

Keeping with the best friend theme, I asked all of my bmaids to bring their dress and shoes with them when they were to come for the bridal shower…well, one best friend didn’t come and another didn’t bring her dress or shoes.

Wait, I’m not done with this best friends thing. One of them decides that as a part of my Bachelorette festivities we should spend two hours at a strip club. Let me clarify, a male review. Do you hear the sarcasm, either way naked men shaking their things a day before my wedding isn’t exactly appealing to me.  All of this was supposed to be a surprise, but it came out and I informed my sister (Maid of Honor) to have the best friend take it off the agenda.  Long story short, the best friend spent way too much money on reserving space for my bachlorette group at the venue, wanted me to reimburse her non refundable payment, and was upset that it was something I’m not into.  Maybe if I was 19 or even older, single, and at a bday bash or something, but for the night before my wedding…no. Having a stripper to celebrate my upcoming union…I just don’t get the thought process behind that.

I haven’t even gotten to the issues my fiancé has had with his best man. 

The bottom line is that people can’t  let go of what they want for the sake of what the happy couple wants. And, it’s foolish if I keep expecting them to. It will always be a losing battle. Most of us are just plain selfish.  I just hate that it took this happy step in my life to learn this lesson.

~ Blissfully Yours

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